Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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