Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
