when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
