I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
