a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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