It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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