I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
