I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
