her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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