I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
