I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
