my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
