I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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