I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
