No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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