Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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