5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
