i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
