i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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