she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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