I got chris browned last night
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
