Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
