so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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