Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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