I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Panties = found
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
