Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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