I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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