I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
