my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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