Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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