i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
