Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
