she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.