my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
