so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
