What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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