I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
