So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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