omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
