Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you never un-have a 4some
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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