The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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