My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
