Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
