I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
