I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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