Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize