apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
