did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
