i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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