we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
