Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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