we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
