I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
