Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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