I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
