I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
