I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
