I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
