Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize