when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.