i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"