My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.