I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.