I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.