i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.