You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
